nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
