Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
So much Jack, so little girl.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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