the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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