I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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