I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I have fence marks all over my body
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
