i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
