You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
