you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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