Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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