Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
