remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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