I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
