Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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