she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
