If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
