SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
