I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize