i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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