There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
