After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
