Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize