I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
