I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
