ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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