somebody snuck up and got me drunk
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
