I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
