Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
