sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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