k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
