nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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