and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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