we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
