Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
