Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
