I look better un-naked...
I am spending my child support on dildos
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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