she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
