hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize