I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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