true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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