I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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