Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
