this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
