Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The air was thick with penises
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
