I seem to have left my pride at pride
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
