Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
