We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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