the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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