theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Also, beer. Big fan.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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