I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
