the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
