GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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