the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
