I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
