The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
