Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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