i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
