Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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