he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
