I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize