i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
