You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
