Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
