I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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