Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
