I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize