I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
