it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
